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Hardware Wars
Counterclockwise from top left: Fluke Starbucker, Chewchilla the Wookiee Monster, Ham Salad, and Augie "Ben" Doggie.
Directed by
Ernie Fosselius
Produced by
Ernie FosseliusMichael Wiese
Written by
Ernie Fosselius
Narrated by
Paul Frees
Starring
Cindy FurgatchJeff HaleBob KnickerbockerScott MathewsFrank Robertson
Music by
Richard Wagner
Cinematography
John V. FanteMichael Wiese
Distributed by
Pyramid Films"20th Century Foss"
Release date(s)
1977
Running time
13 min.
Country
United States
Language
English
Budget
$8,000
Hardware Wars (1977) is a short film spoof of the classic science fiction film Star Wars. The thirteen-minute film, which premiered in theatres only seven months after Star Wars, consisted of little more than inside jokes and visual puns that heavily depended upon audience familiarity with the original. The theme song is Richard Wagner's famous "Ride of the Valkyries". The tagline was "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss three bucks goodbye."
Hardware Wars was written and directed by San Francisco native Ernie Fosselius and produced by Michael Wiese. It was structured as a mock-movie trailer, and Fosselius even secured narration from veteran voice-over artist Paul Frees, who provided the voice work for the original Star Wars trailers. Fosselius capitalised on his budget limitations by using deliberately ridiculous household objects as props; spaceships were represented with such items as steam irons, toasters and cassette recorders, and the lightsaber of "Fluke Starbucker" was an electric torch (flashlight). The characters, played by actors who were just as low-budget as the props, were also parodied in name and appearance; for example, Chewbacca the wookiee was replaced by "Chewchilla the Wookiee Monster," an obvious Cookie Monster puppet with a brown dye-job, and Darth Vader's counterpart, "Darph Nader," wore a welding helmet that distorted his voice so much that no one could understand anything he said. Other notable characters include "Ham Salad," "Augie Ben Doggie," "Princess Anne-Droid," and the drones, "4Q2" (who resembles the Tin Woodsman from the Wizard of Oz) and "Arty Deco" (an antique canister vacuum cleaner).
Hardware Wars won over 15 first place film festival awards including the award for Most Popular Short Film at the Chicago Film Festival. It is considered to be the most profitable short film of all time, grossing US$1,000,000 as compared to its paltry US$8,000 budget (a much better profit ratio than Star Wars itself). George Lucas said in a 1999 interview on the UK's Big Breakfast TV show that Hardware Wars was his favorite Star Wars parody.[1]
In 2003, the film was honored by Lucasfilm when it was given the Pioneer Award at that year's Official Star Wars Fan Film Awards.
Contents
1 Synopsis
2 Video releases
3 References
4 External links
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Synopsis
The film begins with the text "Meanwhile in another part of the galaxy later that same day", and then we see a clothing iron fighting with a toaster and toast. After that, two robots named 4Q2 and Arty Deco escaping from the empire. After launching from the ship (a cassette player) in an escape pod (a cassette tape), they land on the desert planet (a watermelon). They are found by young Fluke Starbucker, where he finds a video saved on Arty Deco. It is a loop of Princess Ann Droid saying "Help me Augie Ben Doggie, you're my only hope". Upon meeting Augie Ben Doggie (of the venerable Red Eye Knights), Fluke receives his father's lightsaber (a flashlight). After tricking the Imperial Steam Trooper guards to let them into the city, they reach a cantina, which is "too weird". Upon entering its revealed to be a country and western bar where they meet Ham Salad and Chewchilla. Meanwhile, Darph Nader is interrogating the princess. When she refuses to talk (mainly because she can't understand him), he blows up her peaceful home planet, Basketball (the name speaks for itself).
After a light speed chase, Fluke, Ham, Augie and the rest are sucked into the enemy base (a waffle iron). After they rescue the princess, Augie Ben Doggie chooses to stay behind (in response, he is derogatorily called a martyr by the rest of the group). Their spaceship is next assaulted by bits of trash, which makes Chewchilla jittery until he spies Princess Ann-Droid's hair whorls, which are cinnamon rolls stuck on her head. Taking after the Cookie Monster, he eats one.
The last scene of the movie involves Fluke flying in a squad of spaceships (bottle openers), presumably to attack the waffle iron. On his way, Fluke is told to "trust your feelings" by the ghost of Augie (who we assume is dead). Because this short film is a parody of a "coming attractions" teaser, the destruction of the enemy...(and so on)